Festivals.

To everyone I go to festivals with.

As we are currently finallising our summer calender, I have a few points that need to be addressed.
 
It has come to my attention that majoirty of people I know are fully aware of my loser tendencies. I believe you have named it "straight edge".

However it has also been noted that this apparently makes me the perfect candidate for the designated job title of the "Look After Everyone's Fucked Up Asses" gal.

Just no. Stop it.

You should take note that: I am already laughing at you. If one of my dearest closest friends is fucked up, googed up, naked, drunk, dead, masturbating in public or making out with a tree branch, unless you choose to do so AFTER the headlining act I'm purposely going to see, I will be of no more assistance to you than every other Joe Somebody there lolling hysterically at you... Possibly with a video camera for future blackmailing purposes.

In the anticipation of such events, (and because I'm a freaking genius when I don't drink too much) I have prepared "Please Return To:" cards which I will distribute if required.

Best. Idea. Ever.