I just bumped into a girl I went to high school with and the first thing she says to me after hello is:
"You're not fat anymore!! Good for you."
Now, I don't know if I took some pointers after watching Mean Girls the other day, but I was in no mood to put up with that. So in my best Regina George voice I exclaimed:
"Yeah I know, looks like I gave it all to you. Glad to see you haven't changed a bit and you're still a heinous bitch. Good for you."
Only thing better than seeing an old nemesis get fat is seeing your ex with an ugly as all fuck missus.
Aside from the fact that I actually feel bad for my comment and will probably have to unload some community service hours to level out my karma, life is good.