Monday, 13 May 2013

Oh Come Onnn!

So, I've been doing a fair chunk of exercise and eating heaps lately in the lead up to going overseas.

Basically shaking my metabolism out of hibernation so that I can sit on a beach and eat cheap noodles and drink even cheaper beer and retain what I consider to be a half decent Box Gap.

It sounds shallow, but I just worked really hard for it and I'd like to maintain the inch of abyss that lives below my special spot.

Now, I don't really fuss over the Gap. It's not like I believe if it suddenly wasn't there that my boyfriend would abruptly ditch me for a Miranda Kerr cardboard cutout and my friends would be utterly repulsed to the point of having to keep a ten metre radius from me to avoid projectile discharge and convulsions.

No. That's just silly.

It's not the Box Gap that's going to stop me from being a 65 year old with 17 cats and old episodes of George and Mildred recorded to my (now horrifically retro and outdated) Blu-ray player.

It's a tiny detail yes, that seems to probe a girl's brain. The same as boys and their physiques. Little do the boys know, although I hope that it will be apparent soon, that girls don't really care about the details of the masculine amenities.

It kind of goes from skinny, lean, average muscle, strange out of proportion muscle (usually footy players and their bicep curl obsession), muscular, baben, bit fat, fat.

I read an amazing quote from a random girl's blog I stumbled over that said "Girl's don't obsess about bodies other than our own, we don't stand around in public bathrooms together discussing 'Oh yes the dimples surrounding his elbow when he straightens his arm make my mouth water. Let me sex him all up and down and around', when in reality we're probably just talking about how penises look icky."

Fucking lol.

To be honest my boy doesn't even notice when I put on a bit of weight. I do of course.

They say it takes two weeks of a body transformation stage for you to notice, four weeks for close friends to notice, and eight weeks for everyone else.

So basically, eat a Maxibon and your boy is still going to get hard for sexy time.

-clap clap clap-

But point is, all this exercise and eating right and crap has got me quite frustrated.

Because the first thing I notice is that my ass gets quite tight and firm (*quiet squealing yay*) ... And my bra gets way too big (*facepalm*).

It seems I have to pick between the two. For fuck's sake, it took puberty 22 years to come out of the closet - MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!!!

So whilst it's not an impending enslavement radiating through my daily thought process (to be fair, my brain can function for a full 24hours without thinking more than "hmm am I a bit hungry?" and "geez that wax job is itchy, fuck I'd scratch that if I wasn't in public), it still ticks my annoyance box. Pun not intended.

It's still like choosing which child you like more...

No comments:

Post a Comment