Friday 26 July 2013

You Know What I Fucking Hate: Part 5

So, I have another pet peeve.

I'm pretty fucking miserable before my morning coffee and on the train, I just want to sit back, relax, read my book and doze.

The last thing I want is to have the worst random train companion that you can have, with the possible exception of the dumb bimbo painfully asking why nobody has stopped Hitler yet: 


Introducing:

The Heavy Breather.

It's like a missile being launched without the satisfying crash ending. Motherfucker, get that shit sorted. If I wanted my hair to blow like a fanned Victoria's Secret model I'd shove my face behind the exhaust of a car. That would be less irritating than your damaged windpipe that is clearly crying out for help.

Please excuse me whilst I shove my palms into my brain through my ears in my futile attempt to block this violating and opprobrious torture.

And someone totally just farted.

18 comments:

  1. Get a car you obnoxious coffee wanker. You'll find all annoying members of the public on public transport. Get over it

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  2. aww sooky. -pat pat-

    learn to see the humor in a good rant.

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    1. It was shared on my page dont flatter youself. Ill sook myself to sleep with my qualifications and own mode of transport. Enjoy

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  3. You see how I compare the way his breathing is moving by hair to sticking my head behind an exhaust pipe.

    If you think that's being serious then I suggest you stay off my blog. I am not a serious or obnoxious individual. I just like finding analogies.

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    1. Your passive agressive self torture reeks. A rant is actually supposed to be funny. Heavy breathing? You must have so many tortured issues. Guess I better expect a hit from your thesaurus anytime soon

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    2. Heavy breathing is fucking annoying. Just like you :) God I hate people that actually go onto other peoples pages just to make themselves look like a stupid cunt. If you dont like the page, there's a magical red 'x' that will magically make it go away.
      And for the record, people who chew with their mouth open literally make me retch.

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  4. Don't flatter yourself. With the grammatical errors and failure to spellcheck, if I'm going to hit you with anything it will be a dictionary and a Grade 1 English lesson.

    I hope you feel delightful with yourself (y) I di apologise I failed to meet your humor quotation, but generally I would make a comment such as : "I didn't find that funny." Not simply to call a complete random passive aggressive, an obnoxious coffee wanker and then belittle her mode of transport just because I can't drive due to vision impairment. At least my impairments don't extend too far past a purely physical basis. You sir on the other hand, are a dick.

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    1. Oh to the first world problems that torture me and my inability to write the word "do" on my phone. My god the world is so cruel. -whimper-

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  5. Although I probably should share some royalties with you as I've found this little banter we have going to be absolutely hilarious.

    Cheers mate, I enjoy a good laugh.

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  6. who is this woman and when did she become so damn cool. can I ask where she resides and her current occupation ? (yes i know chef but where) Chef from London reporting in ..

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    1. G'day from Melbourne, Australia :) current occupation is actually unemployed. Had my last shift yesterday, heading overseas for a little while. I was running a wine bar in the city, good gig for a 22 year old. But my boss took the title of Royal Cunt and I didn't want a bar of it. But for the last few months the travel bug got the best of me. So I'm maneuvering my way around the globe doing the casual rock star shifts for food and board.

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    2. After I have a bit of a holiday involving beer and noodles though. I have a fluorescent lighting tan

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  7. I see! well make sure you visit london and have a stint at Restaurant gordon ramsay, its good fun plus our head chef whos also aussie loves to get more aussies in the kitchen.. naturally. beer and noodles is a winning combination, whats your name chef ?

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. For the past four years I've been living without a name at work. I get called Little One or Apprentice.

      :)

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  8. the little one's not shy is she ?

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    1. No not shy - I just enjoy a certain level of anonymity ;)

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