Alone Time.

I am quite a chatty person. I say chatty, what I mean is more of a downward spiralling helicopter of word vomit ready to plummit whatever topic I feel is of gargantuan importance, directly at your face. In fact, there are times when you'll find it very challenging to actually locate the mute button on my babbling.

Aside from maybe utilising a balled up sock, a Gobstopper or an intense Hawthorn game, I'm quite literally (in the words of David Spade) "the thing that wouldn't shut up".

My boss even went as far once to lower his 6"7' lump of a body to his knees and 'pray' to the skylight "Oh to be Helen Keller!" after asking (purely out of politeness) about my weekend.

But I'm ok with that.

Because I know at least I'll never be taken hostage. Osama would put up with me for 92 seconds before either letting me go or shooting me.

But also because for every moment I'm on one of my golden rolls, I have times when I don't want to talk.

Like for example, before my morning coffee.

A Nazi after a bad haircut and a pebble in his boot on a march in the snow, is in a better mood than me before coffee.

But I've started buying my coffee from a place in the city that I've attached my adoration to. A place that is a good 33 minute train ride from my stop (not that I've timed it or anything when there's a farting man to my left and a screaming baby to my right and ye old stress ball is securely forgotten on my bedside table...)

-cough-

And there's always some random dipshit that wants to be friendly and chat when I'm running on empty.

Now, right at that moment, I don't want to talk. If you're bored, go pat a dog. Yes. That one, the most likely rabies-infested, snarling, choker-chained hyena that's tied up outside BP. Trust me when I say you have less of a chance of being snapped at.

Here comes the cunty point of my story I promise.

I've started wearing earphones.

Nobody talks to you when you have earphones in and if they do, I can just blindly ignore them.

Thing is... I don't have an iPod. Or any music on my phone and my data usage reaches maximum capacity 6 days before the end of the cycle every, freaking, time.

I am simply rolling around Melbourne with earphones in listening to absolutely fuck all.

I think I might be a genius... An asshole no doubt... But quite possibly a genius...