Sunday 24 March 2013

You Know What I Fucking Hate? : Part 3.

Introducing: The "Oh Did I Wake You?" Guy.

This morning I got woken up by a phone call from Dad.

"Hey gurt, oh sorry were you asleep?"

"No Dad, at 6:06am on my day off I like to knit sweaters and practise the trombone. What do you want?"

"Oh don't worry, not important, go back to sleep." -hangs up-

...

I am aware that small time zone differences might not have crossed his mind but I still have a few problems with this.

1. Who makes phone calls before 8am? (his time) If I haven't had a coffee, I am like a vegetarian zombie. Purely vegetarian because they've been up for three days and are too fatigued to bother trying to chase after brains and feel like tofu will suffice. You know you're tired when fermented bean curd will suffice.

2. Was there another option OTHER than going back to sleep? Well I assure you I had no idea, thank God that Captain Obvious will always be around to save the day.

3. If you've woken me, at a time that is probably pointless for me trying to drift back off to my beautiful dream of marrying Jake Gyllanhaal overlooking a Colombian sunset wearing Bettina Liano, at least tell me what you were ringing for. It had better have been important because as far as I know there is only one situation I haven't been upset about being woken up for which was when my neighbours were having exceptionally loud and by the sounds of the moans, amazing sex, so much so I felt like I needed to light up a cigarette succeeding her third orgasm.

I could not be more annoyed if I lived in a top floor apartment and the floor below me decided they need a skylight.

No comments:

Post a Comment