Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Cook. Fuck. Wash.

I was at the laundromat today, scuffing off the dried up bits of dough that have become engaged to the elbows of my chef jackets and who like any new couple, appear to be inseparable.

As I loaded up the machine a young guy (maybe 16 or 17?) was next to me cradling a pile of coins, with the facial expression that can only be described as a cross between a hernia sufferer and Susan Boyle.

The kid had no idea what to do.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loved school. I learnt a lot of things like;

- how to text without looking.
- that a dialect becomes a language when the speaker has an army, a navy and to speed things along, some WMDs.
- that if you cross sulfur, tungsten and silver you get SWAG.
- and that the difference between a PhD in History and a couple of large pizzas is that the pizzas will feed a family of four.

But I mean... This is basic shit. It's a washing machine, not one-dimensional kinematics.

So I abandoned my own domestic duties to help this lad and for a terrifying five minutes, taught him how to wash his clothes.

I am hopeless with technology I will admit. I never bothered to learn. My Dad still hooks up my stereo for me and my boyfriend works the Xbox when I'm in need of a Breaking Bad fix. At least I know I'm retarded. But today's youth... Are they being isolated into a world of microwaved food, internet porn and automatic vacuum cleaners?

Someone needs to stop and teach this lot how to cook a chop, how to fuck or how to wash? I have no idea who to call upon for this job. Pretty sure Ghostbusters are either occupied or dead...

Seriously. What do they even teach in schools these days?

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