Waitress at work: "Had the world's biggest ego drop the other day when I discovered the four year old I babysit has a Valentine. I asked him in that cutesy "Oh I'll be your friend Valentine" way and he said "No! Batman is my Valentine"... HOW THE HELL DO I COMPETE WITH BATMAN?!"
Me: "You think THAT'S the ultimate rejection? I was touching myself the other night and my hand fell asleep. I got rejected by my fucking hand!"
Fail.
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