Shake Me Like A British Nanny.

Every apprentice gets yelled at. It kind of gets programmed into your system.

That "Get fucked you good for nothing, worthless piece of shit. My fucking Grandmother can cook a better risotto with her eyes shut you pitiful excuse for an apprentice"... Etc etc that kind of crap you hear every day.

I think the best one that ever got spat at me was : "You're so fucking stupid you'd trip over a cordless phone!" - I still use that one.

But in fact, you become slightly robotic. "Yes chef. No chef. How high chef. I'm sorry chef. No my pants are not pooling sweat by my vag next to this grill chef." This mutual agreement of heirarchy is usually sealed with a pomelo to the head or a plate to the wall FLINCHINGLY close to the hot pot of bisque you're holding.

You get the point.

Being caught out by a chef for doing something wrong is kind of like being caught sneaking your boyfriend into your bed through your window when you're 15.

My Gran actually dragged my boyfriend's naked petrified corpse out from under the bed and drove him home at 2am once when I was 15 or 16. Then you get yelled at, punished, problem solved.

But it's not always like that.

Sometimes you get the silent treatment. And unless it's with your respected other half, where you simply make them think that you don't like it, it can cut like a knife.

You await the verbal beating that will never be. Then you fidget, you start to sweat. You're left stewing in your own shame like a badly made stir-fry. Maybe hearing a barely audible whisper of "You've disappointed me."

No. No no no!!!

COME ON!! Throw something! Yell! Rant! Rage! Anything!! Grab me by the scruff and shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!!!

Indifference is the worst punishment. Because now you are just leftover sand in their ass crack. Not worthy of attention, you'll simply get shuffled and washed until you eventually fade away...

Indifference and silence will break even the strongest of us.