Eggs And The Boy.

I don't drive. I've been blind in my left eye since I was 17. But it has never stopped me from being the world's biggest cuntstick of a back seat driver.

My poor boyfriend. He consistently puts up with a louder, more abusive Stevie-fucking-Wonder berating him about his driving. Because clearly I know what I'm talking about...

I am waiting for the day when he runs into the kitchen whilst I'm cooking breakfast, screeching: "Careful with those eggs! Careful! CAREFUL!! Are you blind!! Turn them they need butter oh my god it's hopeless, you never listen to me when you cook! Don't forget the salt you ALWAYS forget the salt. The salt THE SALT!! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FREAKING MIND!"

Before comfortably positioning himself at the table and with the smuggest grin and a swift :"Now you know how it feels."

I honestly wouldn't even blame him.